I'd rather be a bitch than just an ordinary broken heart

But maybe a woman can be

2009-11-19T14:22:31Z

Am still working on becoming fiercely independent core-of-steel pillar-of-stone island-entire-in-itself type woman. Suspect that it may be making me more selfish than usual but on the other hand, surely "if I don't look after myself no other fucker will" is less selfish than having expectations of others to give a shit?

Oh, bugger it. Fiercely independent core-of-steel pillar-of-stone island-entire-in-itself type woman does not need existential angst.

Idiotic

2009-09-17T21:30:30Z

...I would appear to be having an anxiety attack. OH GOD WHY DIDN'T I DO THIS STUFF BEFORE, WHY HAVE I LOST THAT FUCKING NUMBER, HOW AM I GOING TO AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH

I've heard that one before

2009-09-10T08:36:47Z

Apparently I'm a "lame humourless feminazi who can't take a joke".

Oh no, honey, I can take a joke. And this time, it's on you.

Destroying civilisation one happy couple at a time

2009-09-08T21:17:00Z

It will probably come as a surprise to nobody who knows me well that I would bloody love to be a stay at home wife. I want to flit about my beautifully decorated house in cute aprons and cook and clean and look after my wife and write novels. But I don't want children and I feel quite strongly that my life/marriage partner(s) will be a woman and I will wear stockings and suspenders under my pinny. HAH.

FFS

2009-09-05T04:02:29Z

So someone asks how I am, right, and I whinge for a second about nausea and heartburn, and they're like ... "you should try gaviscon."

OH MY GOD. THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME THAT. IN ALL THE YEARS THAT I'VE HAD CHRONIC NAUSEA AND HEARTBURN IT NEVER ONCE OCCURED TO ME TO TRY ANY OF THE BEST KNOWN OTC MEDCINES.

Jesus. It's even worse than those little old ladies who come up to you in the street when you're smoking and go "that'll kill you, you know". SHIT! Really? I had no idea, oh my god, thank you so much for telling me!

*flails*

ZOMG.

2009-08-24T22:33:12Z

Many, many, many thanks to my Mystery Benefactor. I'm sure it must have been one of you on my DJ flist as I don't think I mentioned that on my LJ. You are lovely and I am incredibly grateful and although it didn't arrive in time for BiCon it is going to make this week so much happier for me :-) My friends = awesome.

I...

2009-08-04T12:43:57Z

...am a crazy person.

FFS.

2009-08-03T19:03:30Z

It occurs to me that the only time in the past couple of years that I have been confronted with the thing I am severely phobic of was at the last BiCon. Maybe I should have complained!!1!!!1!

OH GOD, SO MUCH WRONGGGGGGGGGGGG

2009-06-25T11:24:05Z

"Maybe back in the 90s Kate Moss made normal/curvier girls feel unattractive, but now it's Beyonce and Beth Ditto who are making skinny people feel 'abnormal' and ashamed of how they look."

seph_hazard @ 2009-05-23T17:57:00

2009-05-23T16:56:50Z

I'm NOT going to get into an argument. I'm NOT going to get into an argument. I'm NOT...

seph_hazard @ 2009-04-14T21:45:00

2009-04-14T20:46:42Z

DEAR FUCKTARDS
STRAIGHT WHITE MIDDLE-CLASS MEN ARE IN FACT THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL
I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THIS WAS FAIRLY OBVIOUS
NO LOVE
ME

seph_hazard @ 2009-03-04T15:57:00

2009-03-04T15:57:27Z

PEOPLE KEEP FUCKING DYING.

A girl could start to feel fobbed off

2009-02-10T08:27:42Z

Once again, "We're going with someone else, we love your style but we went in a different direction this time, we really want you to reapply next time there is an opening". I'm not actually upset this time, though; I didn't get anything like as emotionally involved in the whole process. But god fucking damn it, I'm good. Next time.

Fuck offfffffffff. (no, not twitter-related)

2009-02-05T14:17:02Z

Oh, please accept my apologies for not breaking my back in order to be generous to you. In fact, wait, don't.

and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow

2009-01-29T23:52:29Z

Remember that mystery? I've got another shot at it. I'm going to try not to make myself ill over it this time! [grin] Fingers crossed.

seph_hazard @ 2009-01-26T20:05:00

2009-01-26T20:05:45Z

So if it's all bollocks, why on earth would you care that somebody is praying for you?

seph_hazard @ 2008-12-27T22:52:00

2008-12-27T22:52:52Z

fantabulosa! Bwaha. Now I'm going to go backwards and filter her into things. Hello, darling!

seph_hazard @ 2008-11-20T13:43:00

2008-11-20T13:44:44Z

I suppose I think of sizeism against thin people ("eat some lard, woman!") much the same way as I think about sexism against men or racism against white people: "I'm really sorry about your papercut. Can we do something about my broken leg, now, please?"

...and more on the mystery.

2008-11-20T02:36:03Z

Fuck. Not this time. Oh arsebollocks.

I should go to bed. There'll be another time. Christ, I'm actually really fucking disappointed.

Remember that thing I can't tell you about yet?

2008-11-20T01:53:37Z

OH GOD THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME. IF I DON'T HEAR SOON I MIGHT ACTUALLY DIE. I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS!!!

I'm afraid I can't actually tell anyone what this is about yet, sorry guys!

2008-11-16T20:10:01Z

ZOMGGGGGGGGGGGGG I AM SO FUCKING ECSTATICALLY INCREDIBLY EXCITED AND NERVOUS AND WOW FUCKING HELL OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*FUCKING MASSIVEST SQUEE EVER DUDE, SET TO MAYBE GET BIGGER YET*

small voice

2008-11-04T10:26:06Z

...but what if we lose?

Don't look now, but

2008-10-23T10:50:07Z

I think I might actually be about to invoke Godwin's Law. Who'd have thought the day would come...

Privilege: it works, bitches.

2008-10-15T18:32:52Z

Sometimes I really wish that YOU ARE NOT GOING TO UNDERSTAND THIS BECAUSE YOU ARE A MAN was considered a valid argument.

Edited to add: I THINK THE INTERNET JUST MADE ME HATE ALL MEN. ASPLODE. STABBITY ASPLODE.
*insert explanation here of why 'hating all men' != 'disliking or being angry with my male friends'*

seph_hazard @ 2008-10-15T04:37:00

2008-10-15T03:53:51Z

I sometimes worry that, despite everything, I'm not actually all that bright. It's something that never crossed my mind until very recently. My whole life I've been sure I was; all through school I was secure and confident (in a very non-big-headed way, though I know it's hard to see how this belief could be anything other than horrifically egotistical) in the fact that I was more intelligent than pretty much any of my classmates and a few of my teachers and my schoolwork tended to back this up.

It would be easy to assume that growing up the daughter of a Genuine Certified Genius and seeing lots of his Genuine Certified Genius Friends would leave an intelligent-but-not-genius-intelligent type person insecure in their faculties and worried about their own mental prowess, but it had quite the opposite effect on me. Spending my time around the clever people meant I assumed I was one of them myself.

And still, now, I am largely surrounded by people of higher than average intelligence. I've been surrounded by people of higher than average intelligence all my life, but what if I'm not actually one of them? What if I'm just so used to the idea that that's the sort of person I am that I never noticed that I wasn't really?

It's difficult to measure such a thing. I've always done well in exams but I've not done very many exams, I dropped out of sixth form because James had just died and I was too mad to do anything very much. My IQ is high but not astronomical, and I've always thought those didn't mean much anyway - not to mention the fact that my strongest areas tend to be the ones the IQ test can't measure. I'm quite well-read by any standard and extremely well-read for someone of my age but all that really says is that, well, I've read a lot. I'm a fast learner and good at abstract connections but I'm not all that hot at formulating arguments. I can be very easily swayed in discussions, and often find myself agreeing with one person's argument and then agreeing just as much with the next.

Being intelligent means a lot to me, so it's very odd to realise that actually I might not be, really.